The 25 Funniest Quotes From The "Twilight" Movies (2025)

The Twilight movies — aka the five films adapted from Stephenie Meyer's ultra-famous vampire romance series — are not exactly meant to be funny. They're actually overwrought, dramatic, and suuuuper angsty! (Especially when you watch them 10-plus years later.) There's so much hokey dialogue! So, in honor of having a good Twilight-related laugh, let's list some quotes out, shall we? 1. "You better hold on tight, spider monkey." 2. "You're like my own personal brand of heroin." 3. "This is the skin of a killer, Bella." 4. "You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?!" 5. "Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca?" 6. "I guess the wolf’s out of the bag." 7. "Stop trying to take your clothes off. It might be too late for my soul, but I will protect yours." 8. "Aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like, really tan?" 9. "Doesn't he own a shirt?" 10. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" 11. "Say it. Out loud. SAY IT." 12. [Bella, about Edward] "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him — and I didn't know how dominant that part may be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him." 13. "Every second that I'm with you is about restraint...and you're too fragile." 14. "I'm exactly right for you Bella. It would be as easy as breathing with me." 15. "You know, Jacob, if we weren't natural enemies, and you weren't trying to steal my reason for existing, I might actually like you." 16. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke." 17. [Jasper, voting to change Bella into a vampire]: "I vote yes. It would be nice not to want to kill you all the time." 18. "You can't trust vampires... Trust me." 19. [Bella, after turning into a vampire]: "I can see what everyone's been talking about. Jake, you really do stink." 20. [Edward, to a newly turned Bella]: "We're the same temperature now." 21. Alice: "The fetus isn't good for Bella!" 22. "So, this party. Will there be strippers?" 23. Charlie Swan: "Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth. And I know how to use a gun." 24. Jessica: "So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?" Angela: "Jess, she is not pregnant!" Jessica: "OK. Who else gets married at 18??" 25. "Bella, I hope you've gotten enough sleep these last 18 years. Because you won't be getting anymore for a while!" Did we forget any? What are your favorite funny quotes from the Twilight movies? References